Parenthood. That word holds so much hope and depth in my heart right now. If you have ever contemplated having a child, what box did you check? Did you check how many you wanted? Did you check the type of behavior challenges you would be willing to deal with?
Unless you’ve done adoption, I’m willing to bet that you haven’t put in some weird request slip with God. Adoption starts with a home study where you fill out an initial paperwork and then they follow up with you in order to do some invasive evaluation process to make sure you aren’t going to be the worst parents on earth. Good in theory, but horrifying in practice. Will they approve us? Will this ever work? Am I doomed to be without child forever? Sigh.
We filled out the paperwork. We checked the boxes and answered the awkward questions about what types of kids you would be willing to accept. The categories were so broad I felt it impractical to eliminate most of them. Checking off “mental health disabilities” felt absurdly generalized. That could mean any number of things–many of which we would be willing to work with. Being realistic with myself was harder than I had anticipated. I found myself feeling like a jerk for not being willing to deal with something. But this journey is ours and we are heading into a lion’s den of complication so I have to believe that we have leeway to make some preference selection. I’m sure I will doubt myself a million times throughout this process and by mere gut feeling I’m willing to bet that is often what parenthood feels like too. I have to believe this will all be worth it.
Let the nail biting nerves begin.