The pressure to grow a family is never more great than the biological clock meeting the herd mentality of designing parenthood. Any non-parents, or not-yet-parents, could probably agree that making new friends with those that are parents is like trying to eat rocks– painful & hard. It’s not as challenging to maintain already established friendships as it’s mostly just phone calls that have intermissions to deal with spit up or to suggest that their 5 year old stop coloring on the dog. It’s fine. A little discombobulated, but you like them, so you’re in it for the long-haul. Even if it means occasional texts or an invite to a toddler’s birthday party where you are the Auntie not in tow with babe.
Pregnancy itself appears to be catastrophic to my entire existence. The puking, the cabbage size feet, the general discomfort that grabs the attention of every mom-to-be.
Also to consider is the per chance of a baby born prematurely. It has literally happened to most of my friends. So that whole likelihood appears to be somewhat more of a risk than others would like me to believe.
The agony of pregnancy, the birth, the just-after-birth phase is difficult enough. But let’s add on the cost of sperm and fertility treatments. Due to the same-sex relationship that we find ourselves in, none of it can be covered by insurance. Okay, fine, a cost is a cost. So if you can actually put that aspect aside (and really who can do that?), the risks are crazy.
There are numerous examples that show the challenge of working with a sperm bank. Questionable practices, considerable controversy around record keeping, and the chance of a lifelong consequence that is anything but a fairytale ending. People do it, and they do this successfully. That can be true. For that, I bow to their courage and adventurous nature. That is not me. Nor is it a risk I can take. Not at this point in my life. Perhaps not ever. But that is to be seen in the “ever” part of life.
Let it be known that adoption is not our “second choice”. It is our first, because in the process of discerning whether “option a” or “option b” could best fit our family, we chose adoption.