Adoption 101: He is so lucky!


He is not “lucky” to have us. In fact, far from it.

To date, this is the most heart-wrenching, horrific, beautiful experience of all of our lives. With adoption comes deep, profound loss. Loss that is traumatic and impossible to describe, understand, or “get over“.  It will be part of our lives, forever. Luck has no place in family formations.

He does not need to breathe a sigh of relief that he “lucked out”. He does not need to be eternally grateful to us for “rescuing” him or any of that nonsense. That just sounds awful, right?

I have heard this “luck” phrase from most of you at some point. It is okay. Please do not apologize or feel weird or defensive. Then we have this awkward back and forth…let’s avoid all that, shall we? This blog post is an opportunity to do some adoption education babble-rant. Obviously this is only from my experience, so take this all with a little cautionary sign.

I know your “luck” commentary is meant with the best of intentions. I know it is meant to express that you think we are doing a decent job of parenting and that perhaps you are proud of us or happy to see us excelling or not totally screwing it up. So thank you for that proclamation of confidence, but please refrain. Instead you could actually say, “You are a good mom!” or “I’m proud of you.” or “You are excelling.” or I would even appreciate a humorous bout of “You are totally not screwing this up!”


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