A letter to my son’s birth mom

To my son’s birth mom:

Tomorrow is the day that we adopt him. I wanted to write this letter, but I also know that now is no where near the time that you can receive this. Perhaps in time, but not now. Let this be a placeholder for if/when you may be ready.

First, I am so sorry that this life has thrown you unimaginable amounts of pain. No, I don’t know you personally, but I have read about you and I have heard about you and your traumatic and heartbreaking story. Probably more than you would like strangers to know, and for that I feel intrusive. I am sorry you were not cared for as you should have been when you were younger. You should have been more supported from the system in which touted they would keep you safe. It pains me that you and your children had the same social worker.

I do not suspect even for a moment that I know the whole story. I cannot profess to understand your lived experience. That being said, I do not support the way that you treated him and I am deeply disappointed that this is now part of his story.

This is important. I do not blame you, but I do hold you responsible. That is a very big difference to me. I understand to some degree how we all got to this place. While I am empathetic, I can still hold expectations and I truly believe you did not meet them. He deserved better.

I hope that you will go on and flourish. I hope that you will gain your independence in a safe, healthy, and legal way. I hope that you find new people that love you the way that you truly need them to. I hope that one day you will find yourself in a space ready to have a family and the responsibility that it comes with. I hope that if our paths cross at some point when he is older, that you will welcome whatever person he has become and realize that this is about him (and always has been). And while this is profoundly hard for you, it will be even harder for him.


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