I arrived to the NICU last Sunday for some special instructions on caring for and feeding Tiny Man. Due to Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome, he has a few symptoms that we are working on learning how to support him with. A calm and confident older nurse welcomed me which was a nice change of pace from a couple of days prior where the nursing staff treated us like baby-snatchers.
The Nurse sat me down in the recliner and promptly went to work of treating me like any other mama learning how to care for her child. She showed me lots of ways to do things and never once made me feel bad or weird. It was a fast paced tutorial but once it was over she said “now you snuggle” and wheeled away to do notes a few feet away.
After my lesson was over, a different nurse asked if he could play some acoustic music for us. I was thrown off by this but said “sure” feeling like this was an entirely different experience than just 2 days prior. As he played his guitar, I finally slowed my brain. I started breathing at Tiny Man’s pace. I smelled his head. My heart swelled.
As I was leaning back in the recliner looking at the birds and clouds, the Guitar Nurse started playing “Over the Rainbow”. I looked down and at that moment I saw Tiny Man’s eyes finally open. I burst into an immediate slobbery, uncontrollable cry. It was the first time I had let the emotion sink in. This was a BIG deal.
The all-knowing nurse wheeled over to me and squeezed my shoulder. She whispered into my ear “I don’t know where this journey will take you, but you are strong enough to do it.” Turns out she has fostered children and has adopted as well. Of course the Universe sent her my way, of course! She let me ugly cry, the Guitar Nurse let me ugly cry, and just kept playing “Over the Rainbow”. She left me with “Of course it’s hard. But we do it because they are worth it. And he is worth it. However this lands it is always worth it.”
It is such a great privilege to be part of this little one’s life and his journey.