The end of June marked 3 months of Bug being with us. He can hold his head up like a champ now, he coos and smiles, and laughs. When he really smiles he scrunches his nose up and there is a nose crease right in between his eyebrows. He loves repetition and I play the “goo goo gotcha” type games and make ridiculous sounds and noises I never thought I would find myself doing. Anything to hear his giggle and to see him happy. He physical symptoms of the NAS have improved dramatically.
Early to mid-June DCF informed us that there was a kinship placement identified. Surprise to us since they told us they had explored kinship already and we should expect this placement to last at least a year or longer. Turns out not so much. So next came the really awfulness of the unknown. They kept trying to get us to “make a plan” and “figure out a transition”. They also laid the guilt trip on us THICK. And I mean THICK. Every moment they get, they like to tell us how “hard it will be for him the longer he is with us”. After I got over my whimpers and wounds, I kicked into action.
I told them to do their job. They need to come up with the plan. They need to offer options. And I reminded them that we are not responsible for why he is in care, nor are we responsible for any additional “hardship”. I did not use drugs while pregnant. I did not go to jail. I am not the social worker that didn’t explore kinship options.
This random cousin, that we do not know the name of or have contact info for, doesn’t have daycare set up, nor is she even licensed yet. What exactly would you like us to do?
I also told them that Bug now knows that the world can provide for him and that his needs can be met. This is a significant thing that our 4 year old did not get as a baby and we will struggle for a LONG time (perhaps forever) trying to address that neglect. I told DCF that this is indeed the exact reason that babies are placed with foster families. So that they can learn that the world, although a scary place, can indeed keep them safe and provide for them. It is okay for him to get attached. If he knows he is loved and can attach, we are doing things right. Having loved and lost is hard, but never having attachment is near impossible to fix. BELIEVE ME.
So here we are. A month later. No update. No info whatsoever. No idea.
So we carry on…