Sunday, the day after Calling the Crisis Team, they called us for our planned check-in call. They had found a respite provider! Some clarifying questions around her being transgender (ugh) and the caller told me she needed to let them know this info and that the respite provider would call me to make a plan for pickup. We felt hopeful and packed a bag for her.

10 minutes later the crisis worker called back. After hearing the information I provided about her being trans they no longer wanted to take her. Fuck. The worker said she would keep trying. She knew we needed it and had planned on continuing to try.

About 30 minutes later she called back. Some magical person had said yes. So we waited for the crisis worker to arrive to collect her. Nothing can quite prepare you for what happens when a crisis worker comes to collect your child for respite. I’ve read blogs about how traumatized children respond, or rather don’t respond. Everything is true.

Worker arrived. Q was most concerned with the fact that she wasn’t able to continue watching TV. We handed her an overnight bag and then Q asked the worker how long of a drive it would be. That’s all she wanted to know.

Off she went. No resistance. No feelings. No emotion. Just got her boots on without any other questions and left.

We got one whole afternoon and night of feeling safe. We went out to eat.  We slept without our door locked. We woke up to an alarm instead of screaming or Q climbing on top of the stair landing or jumping from the windowsill.

For one morning I just drank coffee and watched the wood stove in silence.

She is back now. Things have been touch and go today but we are walking on eggshells. We got word that the referral to the crisis stabilization program for the most extreme circumstances has been accepted. They are full now so she is on a waiting list. Hopefully in the next few days she will go. For now, we wait, provide loads of food, and try to zone her out in front of the TV. Our house is like a psych ward from the movies or a prison…maybe both.


8 thoughts on “Respite.

  1. You’ve had a tough time. Perhaps things are still tough. I’ve been thinking about you from time to time, but haven’t really known what to say. I hope things are better now. I’m still thinking about you all. K x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can’t see how to add a comment to your last 2 posts and like doesn’t seem appropriate. It’s so very sad and perhaps Q can never live with you again, I don’t know if there’s any chance of that, but you gave Q so much love and that will stay with her forever whatever happens, and that must do her some good. You did your best and no one can do more than their best. Hugs to both of you. Kxx


    1. Thanks for your continued support Karin. I chose to disable comments because I had been receiving some hateful ones and I decided not to entertain them since it’s my blog. I hope you are well.


      1. I wondered if it was something like that. There are some very troubled people around. I’m sorry you’ve had to suffer because of their problems. I’m fine thank you. Hubby and I are enjoying a week on Orkney, which is just northwest of mainland Scotland. It’s a wonderful island with so much to see, we haven’t had time to do everything. Best wishes to you both, I hope there are plenty of good things in store for you as this year unfolds. K xx


  3. I’m very sure you both did your best. I’ve always thought how patient and understanding you were and what a remarkable job you were doing with such a difficult child. She should have been given to very experienced parents. I think it was wrong that she was given to you when you had no previous experience of parenting. I don’t know what kind of parents would have been right for her though, quite possibly none. I hope you try again and are given a much easier child to care for. I won’t be surprised if you want to wait a while though. Wishing you all the best whatever you decide.


      1. You’re very welcome. I admired you for all that you did for Q. I was so sad for you that all your hard work was not rewarded.


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